So Craig is living with us now. Ugh. The thing that bothered me the most though was that Daniel made the decision with his whole family without asking what I thought. I was soooo pissed! He told me on the way to the grocery store and I just lost it in the parking lot when we got there. I don't want to re-live the whole thing, but I let him have it good. It actually hasn't been that bad... considering he's an 18 year old boy. The biggest complaint I have really is that he forgets to lock the back door all the time. I know, it could be much worse, so if that's all I have to complain about, it's not too bad. He's fun to talk to and has interesting stories and we get along just fine. It's just the thought of "how long will he be here" that drives me nuts. I have to plan EVERYTHING I do, so to not know what's going on drives me nuts. He's pretty good about doing the dishes though, and taking out the trash, so that's a plus, haha.
I'm supposed to be going to Daniel's family Christmas party, but I just don't want to go. I worked 6pm-10pm today and I'm tired and don't want to deal with his whole family really. It's just a big drunk mess anyway. I haven't texted him, I'm just going to pretend I forgot or something. His family is fucking huge! I can never remember everyone's name, and there's always new boyfriend/girlfriends around to get to know. They all live around here too. I really hope Daniel watches his alcohol intake too... he needs to be setting a good example for Craig. Craig's been going to AA meetings and his outpatient treatment every day. Outpatient is Mon, Wed, Thurs and he goes to AA the other 4 days. He's fun to mess with... he loves when I make jokes about hepatitis C, and they're awful! Any other person would take a huge offense to them, but I know I can do that with him. He told this story, he said he went to a party and was on the toilet and passed out, when he woke up he was face down on the bathroom floor, and right next to him was a used tampon! He got up but was dizzy, lost his balance and stepped right on it... I cut him off and said, "be careful, that's how you get hep C." He lost it! He was laughing his ass off. He told us that because he needed money for his drugs but didn't have a job that he started pimping girls! I was shocked! I said not to put that shit on your resume and he almost died laughing. That stuff is funny... I have a good one next time he starts talking about girls, I just have to get the right timing on it and make sure Daniel is there to hear it too... he'll enjoy it. I'm going to tell him if he's going to sleep with someone to make sure he wraps up his hep C injector. I'm sure he'll crack up at that one.
Exams are over!!! I got an A and two B's so far... just waiting on the grades for the microbiology exam I took yesterday. He said he'd have the grades up by yesterday or today, but knowing him it'll take a lot longer. He says he'll have stuff done and it always takes him twice as long. It's a big class and he has lots to calculate out, so it's not a biggy. Grades are due by Tues morning, so I know I'll have them by then.
Well, I think I've killed enough time on here... time to text Daniel and tell him I just got home from work and I'm too tired to come over. I'm going to see his immediate family around Christmas anyway, so that's the important thing to go to.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
My fucked up week...
Oh man, a lot of shit has happened! Ok, so it all started last Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. I went over to my parents house for the day because I was off work and school and because I wasn't going to see them on Thanksgiving day. I'm totally sick of going to multiple houses for holidays, so we decided to just do one family and since we were seeing my parents on Christmas eve and morning, I thought it would be best to be with his family for the holiday before. Ugh, we can't even just have everyone over to our place because his family is split up and can't be all together, so we'd still have to do two of anything... total pain in the ass. So anyway, I was going to leave my parents house to get home and make dinner for Daniel since he was at work and they asked if we wanted to stay, so I said sure and sent Daniel a text asking if he wanted to come over. He said sure, but he was going to go visit Craig first because he was in the hospital. Craig is our nephew, he's 18 years old. I asked him what happened and he told me he would tell me later. So he showed up around 8:30pm after we had already eaten and he wasn't hungry so we just hung out for a bit. Daniel told us all that Craig had gone into the hospital that day because he got a really bad infection in his arm and it was really swollen and he had a fever and it had become septic (bacteria in the blood). He wasn't doing so well, and it sucked because he was going to be there for the next few days and was going to miss Thanksgiving dinner.
So we leave my parents house around 10 and when we get home I get the real story. Turns out Craig got the infection from a dirty needle and has been doing heroin for the past few months!!! I knew the kid was a pot head, but didn't even dream he would do something like that. They had to run a bunch of tests and were going to keep him for about 10 days in the hospital while he got better and went through detox.
We went to Daniel's sister Amy's house for Thanksgiving dinner. She just moved in with her new boyfriend after a month of dating. She had broken up with her fiance of 7 years a month before that... she definitely works quick. We went to her town, which isn't the best neighborhood, but the houses were cute. Holy crap, all the houses were cute except for theirs. I felt like I was going to crash through their front porch or get a splinter if I touched anything... the place was an absolute DUMP! It's one of those houses that would have been sooooo cute if it was fixed up, but it was a complete wreck. Amy's other two kids were there, plus their two huge dogs in a tiny ass house. It was madness. As soon as I get in Erik, the little one who's 7 and obsessed with me screams and runs over and jumps on me. He's so cute, but he basically only wants to talk to me and pull me away from talking with everyone... it can be a bit annoying. So he's on me like a monkey and I say, "Oh, hey! Where's all your hair?!" It was buzzed off, and a lot shorter than he normally has it. He's like, "I had lice!" As he's rubbing and crawling all over me. Doesn't surprise me in the state that house was in, yikes! So we ate and hung around and the food was good... nothing special, all from boxes and cans, blah. They get a call from Craig saying he wants some leftovers, but then calls back about an hour later saying he's not hungry, he's been throwing up all day and he only wants some ginger ale, but he doesn't want everyone to come up, he just wants one person to bring it to him and then leave. So they're trying to decide who should go and the other brother Gabe wants to see him, but he wants to go tomorrow... after lots of arguing, I'm not really sure how it happened, but Daniel offered to let Gabe stay the night with us and we would go to the hospital that night, bring the ginger ale and then everyone would go see him tomorrow. I can't remember the logic as to why Gabe stayed with us, but whatever. No one bothers to ask my opinion. Gabe is a nice kid, he's 14 so I had no problem with him staying over for a night. Man, it sure is a pain in the ass to find somewhere to buy ginger ale on Thanksgiving night! It took us 4 places before we finally found somewhere open that actually carried it!
The next day I come home from work and Daniel tells me that Craig has hepatitis C from sharing needles with people. He's doing better, but not 100% yet. He's decided to go to rehab and is really excited about it and wants to get clean, so good for him. The next day I come home from work, Saturday night, and Gabe is there again. UGH! So I just went into my room and watched Netflix on my phone and went to sleep. I was so excited to come home the following day to a house all my own, I was off for most of the week so I could start studying for my 7 finals I have in the two weeks coming up... So I get home, go up the stairs and there is Craig on the couch. I was so shocked, I was just speechless. He was supposed to be in the hospital for another week! They let him out because his arm was healing and he had detoxed. So I go find Daniel who tells me that he's going to stay with us until he can get into rehab on Tuesday. I'm so happy that he cleared all this with me first... not ever a text message to give me a heads up or anything. But what can I really do. He had a meeting with his sponsor and was going to an AA meeting that night with the guy to decide about treatment and rehab and everything. So he leaves for about 2 hours and Daniel and I went grocery shopping. The reason he was staying with us is because Amy has some medications that he shouldn't be around and he has friends in the area who he doesn't want to deal with. He comes home from the meeting and says that his sponsor thinks it's best if he calls the next day to get into a rehab program and gives him a number of a place about an hour away. He's totally pumped about it and excited to go.
He calls the next day (Monday) and they ask him what he's been doing, has he detoxed, blah blah blah... turns out because he has already detoxed, they can't directly admit him and he has to do an assessment at the hospital to see if he needs rehab or just an outpatient thing and that the assessment will be in a week... A WEEK?!?! Amy came over in the afternoon, she wasn't concerned about the wait, Daniel's mom came over, and I thought for sure that she was going to be pissed about the wait... but she wasn't. We all thought his sponsor was going to flip out, but he said he had to do the same thing. Umm, hello?! I think I was the only person concerned here... if he can be off drugs for 2 weeks by the time they give him the assessment, I'm pretty sure they aren't going to admit him. So now, with Daniel not there, Amy and the mom are deciding where he should go and what Craig should do for the next week. Nice... I'm all ganged up on, and it's perfect in their eyes... for the next week, I only work one day, so I'm around all the time. How lucky... FUCK THAT SHIT!!! AHHHHH!!! I am in the most stressful period of school right now and I have to play babysitter!? They didn't want him staying alone, and since I had classes some of the days, Daniel's dad took him in the afternoon (he's retired so around all day), and he came back for dinner and to spend the night.
Now I know this is family and it's great that Daniel wants to help, but I think the thing that pisses me off the most is that no one ever asked me if I was ok with it... it was just assumed. I wasn't even given warnings or a heads up about anything. And now the thing that I'm worried about is that after his assessment on Monday, then what? I asked Daniel that last night and he got all mean about it and was like, "Sorry I'm trying to be helpful." We are helpful, but after a week, come on... he needs to go home. I told him that I feel like I don't have any control in my house. He said it would be the same if my sister lived with us (we had discussed her moving in next year since we have a huge basement she could live in), but it wouldn't because she would have her own space in the basement another bathroom and another TV. Seriously, if he plays video games another day for 8 hours straight on our only TV, I'm going to break the game in half.
We got into another huge fight today. They left to go to a funeral this morning, so I got up ate, watched a TV show and then started cleaning the bathroom. Daniel gets home with Craig and I immediately hear him start to bitch that the kitchen is still dirty. Umm, I'm in the bathroom cleaning, it's not like I'm doing nothing. So he's bitching and moaning and cleaning out the fridge and I come in and ask him what's up and he's ignoring me, so I keep saying what? what? what? And he just turned into a little bitch, "I clean, and contrary to what you may think, I don't like cleaning, and this is the 5th time I've cleaned the kitchen this week..." blah blah blah. So I ask what he wants me to do, he starts rattling off what needs to be done. Looks like I'm not studying much this afternoon. So I start walking to the bedroom because that seems like a great place to disappear to and clean and on the way I just snapped. I slammed the door so hard I though it was going to break. He yells not to slam shit and I just scream at the top of my lungs, "FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!" That might actually be a great plan, make Craig feel uncomfortable so he wants to leave.... hmmmm. I sat on the bed shaking for about 15 mins, finally I took 2 valium and put on my music and started cleaning. Daniel's mom came over, I just stayed in the room even after I finished cleaning. Then they all left to go shopping. So long, thanks for letting me know where you were going and when you'd be back. I took one of Craig's cigarettes while they were gone and smoked it. Man, I miss smoking sometimes.
I studied a bit of anatomy, but I just don't feel like doing anything. I'm so fried right now, but I know I have to keep studying. All that's due is creeping up on me really fast, ah! So I'm going to pour myself another cup of coffee, and get back to it.
So we leave my parents house around 10 and when we get home I get the real story. Turns out Craig got the infection from a dirty needle and has been doing heroin for the past few months!!! I knew the kid was a pot head, but didn't even dream he would do something like that. They had to run a bunch of tests and were going to keep him for about 10 days in the hospital while he got better and went through detox.
We went to Daniel's sister Amy's house for Thanksgiving dinner. She just moved in with her new boyfriend after a month of dating. She had broken up with her fiance of 7 years a month before that... she definitely works quick. We went to her town, which isn't the best neighborhood, but the houses were cute. Holy crap, all the houses were cute except for theirs. I felt like I was going to crash through their front porch or get a splinter if I touched anything... the place was an absolute DUMP! It's one of those houses that would have been sooooo cute if it was fixed up, but it was a complete wreck. Amy's other two kids were there, plus their two huge dogs in a tiny ass house. It was madness. As soon as I get in Erik, the little one who's 7 and obsessed with me screams and runs over and jumps on me. He's so cute, but he basically only wants to talk to me and pull me away from talking with everyone... it can be a bit annoying. So he's on me like a monkey and I say, "Oh, hey! Where's all your hair?!" It was buzzed off, and a lot shorter than he normally has it. He's like, "I had lice!" As he's rubbing and crawling all over me. Doesn't surprise me in the state that house was in, yikes! So we ate and hung around and the food was good... nothing special, all from boxes and cans, blah. They get a call from Craig saying he wants some leftovers, but then calls back about an hour later saying he's not hungry, he's been throwing up all day and he only wants some ginger ale, but he doesn't want everyone to come up, he just wants one person to bring it to him and then leave. So they're trying to decide who should go and the other brother Gabe wants to see him, but he wants to go tomorrow... after lots of arguing, I'm not really sure how it happened, but Daniel offered to let Gabe stay the night with us and we would go to the hospital that night, bring the ginger ale and then everyone would go see him tomorrow. I can't remember the logic as to why Gabe stayed with us, but whatever. No one bothers to ask my opinion. Gabe is a nice kid, he's 14 so I had no problem with him staying over for a night. Man, it sure is a pain in the ass to find somewhere to buy ginger ale on Thanksgiving night! It took us 4 places before we finally found somewhere open that actually carried it!
The next day I come home from work and Daniel tells me that Craig has hepatitis C from sharing needles with people. He's doing better, but not 100% yet. He's decided to go to rehab and is really excited about it and wants to get clean, so good for him. The next day I come home from work, Saturday night, and Gabe is there again. UGH! So I just went into my room and watched Netflix on my phone and went to sleep. I was so excited to come home the following day to a house all my own, I was off for most of the week so I could start studying for my 7 finals I have in the two weeks coming up... So I get home, go up the stairs and there is Craig on the couch. I was so shocked, I was just speechless. He was supposed to be in the hospital for another week! They let him out because his arm was healing and he had detoxed. So I go find Daniel who tells me that he's going to stay with us until he can get into rehab on Tuesday. I'm so happy that he cleared all this with me first... not ever a text message to give me a heads up or anything. But what can I really do. He had a meeting with his sponsor and was going to an AA meeting that night with the guy to decide about treatment and rehab and everything. So he leaves for about 2 hours and Daniel and I went grocery shopping. The reason he was staying with us is because Amy has some medications that he shouldn't be around and he has friends in the area who he doesn't want to deal with. He comes home from the meeting and says that his sponsor thinks it's best if he calls the next day to get into a rehab program and gives him a number of a place about an hour away. He's totally pumped about it and excited to go.
He calls the next day (Monday) and they ask him what he's been doing, has he detoxed, blah blah blah... turns out because he has already detoxed, they can't directly admit him and he has to do an assessment at the hospital to see if he needs rehab or just an outpatient thing and that the assessment will be in a week... A WEEK?!?! Amy came over in the afternoon, she wasn't concerned about the wait, Daniel's mom came over, and I thought for sure that she was going to be pissed about the wait... but she wasn't. We all thought his sponsor was going to flip out, but he said he had to do the same thing. Umm, hello?! I think I was the only person concerned here... if he can be off drugs for 2 weeks by the time they give him the assessment, I'm pretty sure they aren't going to admit him. So now, with Daniel not there, Amy and the mom are deciding where he should go and what Craig should do for the next week. Nice... I'm all ganged up on, and it's perfect in their eyes... for the next week, I only work one day, so I'm around all the time. How lucky... FUCK THAT SHIT!!! AHHHHH!!! I am in the most stressful period of school right now and I have to play babysitter!? They didn't want him staying alone, and since I had classes some of the days, Daniel's dad took him in the afternoon (he's retired so around all day), and he came back for dinner and to spend the night.
Now I know this is family and it's great that Daniel wants to help, but I think the thing that pisses me off the most is that no one ever asked me if I was ok with it... it was just assumed. I wasn't even given warnings or a heads up about anything. And now the thing that I'm worried about is that after his assessment on Monday, then what? I asked Daniel that last night and he got all mean about it and was like, "Sorry I'm trying to be helpful." We are helpful, but after a week, come on... he needs to go home. I told him that I feel like I don't have any control in my house. He said it would be the same if my sister lived with us (we had discussed her moving in next year since we have a huge basement she could live in), but it wouldn't because she would have her own space in the basement another bathroom and another TV. Seriously, if he plays video games another day for 8 hours straight on our only TV, I'm going to break the game in half.
We got into another huge fight today. They left to go to a funeral this morning, so I got up ate, watched a TV show and then started cleaning the bathroom. Daniel gets home with Craig and I immediately hear him start to bitch that the kitchen is still dirty. Umm, I'm in the bathroom cleaning, it's not like I'm doing nothing. So he's bitching and moaning and cleaning out the fridge and I come in and ask him what's up and he's ignoring me, so I keep saying what? what? what? And he just turned into a little bitch, "I clean, and contrary to what you may think, I don't like cleaning, and this is the 5th time I've cleaned the kitchen this week..." blah blah blah. So I ask what he wants me to do, he starts rattling off what needs to be done. Looks like I'm not studying much this afternoon. So I start walking to the bedroom because that seems like a great place to disappear to and clean and on the way I just snapped. I slammed the door so hard I though it was going to break. He yells not to slam shit and I just scream at the top of my lungs, "FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!" That might actually be a great plan, make Craig feel uncomfortable so he wants to leave.... hmmmm. I sat on the bed shaking for about 15 mins, finally I took 2 valium and put on my music and started cleaning. Daniel's mom came over, I just stayed in the room even after I finished cleaning. Then they all left to go shopping. So long, thanks for letting me know where you were going and when you'd be back. I took one of Craig's cigarettes while they were gone and smoked it. Man, I miss smoking sometimes.
I studied a bit of anatomy, but I just don't feel like doing anything. I'm so fried right now, but I know I have to keep studying. All that's due is creeping up on me really fast, ah! So I'm going to pour myself another cup of coffee, and get back to it.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
It's better
So things are much better. I'm so dramatic about things! Daniel and I had a talk about things over Chipotle the other day, and he wasn't even aware I was mad about anything! LOL! Men don't really know much about women, do they? He's just frustrated with work... he told me that. He doesn't like the new account he's on, it's too easy. All he says he does all day is re-set people's passwords and customers are dumb about it. I can relate to that! People are pretty rude these days.
It's going to be a good week though, he gets a 4 day weekend for Thanksgiving, which is on Thursday. We are going to his sister's new place for dinner. We aren't going to my parent's house at all, and I'm ok with it. We were going to try to, but it's just so much driving and planning and stress. Because of that, though, we get to spend more time with my family for Christmas :) I'd rather than anyway. I always hate running around to the 3 different families (his parents are divorced, so we can't ever just have everyone over somewhere). They also live far apart, so that sucks.
I've been baking so much! I made white chocolate cookies and cream fudge and mudpies tonight. Tomorrow I'm making peanut butter brownies and oatmeal raising cookies. It's not all for myself, it's for work and Thanksgiving. Work is doing a black Friday meal thing where we all bring sides and the managers bring main dishes. Amy loves my baking so she asked if I could bring desserts. Of course I'm going overboard, haha.
I watched a documentary on juice fasts the other day on Netflix. Right afterwards I send my Mom a text asking for a juicer for Christmas, haha. This guy drank nothing but juice for 60 days and lost like 90lbs! It's supposed to be super healthy for you with all sorts of micronutrients in each drink and if you add kale, you can get quite a bit of protein! Maybe I can get Daniel to do it with me for a week or two, but I bet he won't make it, hahaha!
I had a dream when I was napping today that I had a little baby. I think it was a girl. Everyone on Daniel's side of the family wants me to have a girl because there are no girls on that side. His Mom even told me the last time she saw me that she had a dream I had a baby girl and she was so pretty with green eyes like me. Lots of people I know are having babies or are pregnant right now, so it's not an unusual dream. My news feed on Facebook is littered with baby pictures, lol. My cousin just had a baby 3 days ago, her 3rd boy. All her kids and her sisters kids names end with an "N" which makes it confusing! lol. There's Jackson, Owen, Rayden, Ethan and Ronin. My Mom said never to do that, so I told Daniel we can't have similar names for our kids. We already have a girl name picked out, which is weird because we both really like it and if no one takes it before we have a girl, we will probably use it. All my names are starting to be taken! We would name her Heidi... I don't think you could get more German than Heidi Hoffman, lol.
Back to watching Chelsea Lately! Nite :)
It's going to be a good week though, he gets a 4 day weekend for Thanksgiving, which is on Thursday. We are going to his sister's new place for dinner. We aren't going to my parent's house at all, and I'm ok with it. We were going to try to, but it's just so much driving and planning and stress. Because of that, though, we get to spend more time with my family for Christmas :) I'd rather than anyway. I always hate running around to the 3 different families (his parents are divorced, so we can't ever just have everyone over somewhere). They also live far apart, so that sucks.
I've been baking so much! I made white chocolate cookies and cream fudge and mudpies tonight. Tomorrow I'm making peanut butter brownies and oatmeal raising cookies. It's not all for myself, it's for work and Thanksgiving. Work is doing a black Friday meal thing where we all bring sides and the managers bring main dishes. Amy loves my baking so she asked if I could bring desserts. Of course I'm going overboard, haha.
I watched a documentary on juice fasts the other day on Netflix. Right afterwards I send my Mom a text asking for a juicer for Christmas, haha. This guy drank nothing but juice for 60 days and lost like 90lbs! It's supposed to be super healthy for you with all sorts of micronutrients in each drink and if you add kale, you can get quite a bit of protein! Maybe I can get Daniel to do it with me for a week or two, but I bet he won't make it, hahaha!
I had a dream when I was napping today that I had a little baby. I think it was a girl. Everyone on Daniel's side of the family wants me to have a girl because there are no girls on that side. His Mom even told me the last time she saw me that she had a dream I had a baby girl and she was so pretty with green eyes like me. Lots of people I know are having babies or are pregnant right now, so it's not an unusual dream. My news feed on Facebook is littered with baby pictures, lol. My cousin just had a baby 3 days ago, her 3rd boy. All her kids and her sisters kids names end with an "N" which makes it confusing! lol. There's Jackson, Owen, Rayden, Ethan and Ronin. My Mom said never to do that, so I told Daniel we can't have similar names for our kids. We already have a girl name picked out, which is weird because we both really like it and if no one takes it before we have a girl, we will probably use it. All my names are starting to be taken! We would name her Heidi... I don't think you could get more German than Heidi Hoffman, lol.
Back to watching Chelsea Lately! Nite :)
Monday, November 14, 2011
Marriage...
I see people post things on Facebook like, "My husband is so sweet, he..." or "I have the best husband in the world..." or "I love you babe, he..." But rarely do I ever think that. I makes me feel like I am missing out on a lot, that or people out there are faking it. Who knows, but what I do know is lately I'm more pissed or angry or frustrated with my husband than I am happy with him. All he does is bitch and whine and complain anymore, I'm so fucking sick of it!!! It has been like this ever since he graduated. He was happy and fun and I loved being around him back when he was in school, but ever since he's had to become a grown up and work full time he's a fucking grumpy old man!!! The first job he had he hated. We bought our house and were renovating it while living at my parents when he just up and quit. WHO DOES THAT?!?! I'm still so mad at him for doing that. Then, he was at Dillard's working with me for almost a year and then was fired... he says for nothing, but I have my doubts. Now, this job he's at, he liked it up until they moved him to a different account. On his old account he loved it because he would take about 10 calls a day and surf the internet or watch movies while he wasn't on a call. Now he's taking help desk calls all day and doesn't have any free time... basically he actually has to WORK now and all he does it complain about it! Awww, poor guy, you have to actually work... SUCK IT UP!!! And because of this, when he complains all it does is make me paranoid that he's just going to up and quit again... I wouldn't stand for that. I know he's 100% jealous that I get to work part time and that I'm going back to school. He says how he can't wait to go back and get his MBA, but he doesn't realize that it's going to be hard for him to get in. He thinks he's so smart, but his GPA sucked when he graduated! It was decent for a normal person, but for someone who wants a graduate degree, I'm pretty sure you need more than a 2.5. I had a 3.2 when I graduated and was paranoid I wouldn't get into my program. He can't stand me being in school.
He was never a touchy feely guy in public, but we used to have sex all the time and cuddle and be sexy... now, we have sex usually once a month. I used to try to seduce him all the time after the sex fizzled out, try to get him to do it most nights, but he never wanted to. Now that I'm on Zoloft, thank god it has killed my sex drive, because I don't care anymore. Maybe he should take some of my medication. He needs it, he was diagnosed bipolar when he was a kid... he needs to fucking lighten up!
I get excited thinking about starting a family, but in my opinion, once there are kids in this family, I'm invested for life. Once there is a kid, I'm stuck to him forever. I want to wait to see how our life progresses together, but I don't want to wait too long, I'm getting old fast. I think about a baby and how great it would be, and then he does something to piss me off and I think, ugh, do I want to bring a kid into this world around that?! With him?!
So let's sum this up, he resents me for going back to school, that my parents buy us lots of things and are giving us money each month and that I actually like my part-time job. I resent him because he has $30,000 in student loans (even though his Dad paid his tuition), that he guilted me into buying his mom's house so it wouldn't be foreclosed on, that he quit his job and we ran up MY credit card because of it, that he doesn't want to have sex, that he leased a brand new car we never should have leased, his temper, his attitude... etc.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I have never left UWaterloo... if I had picked another college, if I chose a different sorority (I never would have met him if I had picked my second choice). Weird to think I had talked to different girls from the other sororities I might have liked them better and never would have met Daniel at the mixer. We used to be the perfect couple... we NEVER fought when we were dating. We never even had disagreements really. After fights and before we make up... well, we never really make up, we just move on. Actually, we never really discuss what has happened and no one ever says they're sorry. I know I don't want to talk to him about it because I don't want to say something that I can't ever take back, because when I'm mad, I'll do that. Well, after a big fight, and this is horrible to say, I picture what I would have to do if I were to leave him. What I would pack up, what I would leave, I'd probably leave lots of stuff and just pack up my car... I don't have much anyway. Then things will get really really good with us and we'll have a great few weeks. Wow, that was a rant. I wish we could say how we really feel on Facebook in our status bar, mine would say:
Why ruin a good relationship with marriage?
I'd like to warn all my engaged friends online, but they won't listen to me... they never do when they're in "love." Or they think that they're relationship will be different. Am I crazy, do other people ever feel like this? Because they sure keep it quiet if they do.
Wow, that was a rant!
He was never a touchy feely guy in public, but we used to have sex all the time and cuddle and be sexy... now, we have sex usually once a month. I used to try to seduce him all the time after the sex fizzled out, try to get him to do it most nights, but he never wanted to. Now that I'm on Zoloft, thank god it has killed my sex drive, because I don't care anymore. Maybe he should take some of my medication. He needs it, he was diagnosed bipolar when he was a kid... he needs to fucking lighten up!
I get excited thinking about starting a family, but in my opinion, once there are kids in this family, I'm invested for life. Once there is a kid, I'm stuck to him forever. I want to wait to see how our life progresses together, but I don't want to wait too long, I'm getting old fast. I think about a baby and how great it would be, and then he does something to piss me off and I think, ugh, do I want to bring a kid into this world around that?! With him?!
So let's sum this up, he resents me for going back to school, that my parents buy us lots of things and are giving us money each month and that I actually like my part-time job. I resent him because he has $30,000 in student loans (even though his Dad paid his tuition), that he guilted me into buying his mom's house so it wouldn't be foreclosed on, that he quit his job and we ran up MY credit card because of it, that he doesn't want to have sex, that he leased a brand new car we never should have leased, his temper, his attitude... etc.
Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I have never left UWaterloo... if I had picked another college, if I chose a different sorority (I never would have met him if I had picked my second choice). Weird to think I had talked to different girls from the other sororities I might have liked them better and never would have met Daniel at the mixer. We used to be the perfect couple... we NEVER fought when we were dating. We never even had disagreements really. After fights and before we make up... well, we never really make up, we just move on. Actually, we never really discuss what has happened and no one ever says they're sorry. I know I don't want to talk to him about it because I don't want to say something that I can't ever take back, because when I'm mad, I'll do that. Well, after a big fight, and this is horrible to say, I picture what I would have to do if I were to leave him. What I would pack up, what I would leave, I'd probably leave lots of stuff and just pack up my car... I don't have much anyway. Then things will get really really good with us and we'll have a great few weeks. Wow, that was a rant. I wish we could say how we really feel on Facebook in our status bar, mine would say:
Why ruin a good relationship with marriage?
I'd like to warn all my engaged friends online, but they won't listen to me... they never do when they're in "love." Or they think that they're relationship will be different. Am I crazy, do other people ever feel like this? Because they sure keep it quiet if they do.
Wow, that was a rant!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Finally, I can breathe!
OMG, it's been a while since I posted, sorry... I got called out, haha. I had so much school work it was insane! If I wasn't studying I was either sleeping or cleaning. I have a mini break until finals now, but the Mid-terms almost killed me.
So I fell off the healthy eating wagon. I don't really know what happened, but it did, and I'm over it and waiting until after the holidays. Too much good food around this time to be eating healthy! Haha. I started my Christmas baking the other day. I made chocolate chip cookies for Daniel and Oatmeal, orange and cranberry cookies for me! They are so yummy! Instead of using brown sugar, I used Splenda brown sugar, so that makes it a little better I guess. I have the best recipe for peppermint brownies I can't wait to make, plus of course, magic bars. I have to find my Nana's recipe for molasses sugar cookies too!
I'm sitting in microbiology class right now. I felt like I needed to come to the class because I did so bad on the last exam. How do you go from a 91% on the first test, 80% on the second to 69% on the third!? I miss the Canadian grading system too... in the US, a 90%+ is an A, 80%+ is a B, etc. It sucks!
This fall weather is freaking me out! We went from sunny and 72f yesterday, to 61f and rainy today and it's supposed to be 42f tomorrow... weird. It feels like spring today.
I went on my business trip to DC/Virginia since my last post. OMG, I hate flying, I used to be really good at it, but just hate it now. It was a direct flight there, so that was nice. I never eat anything the day I fly until I get to where I'm going... I'm always scared it's going to make me feel sick and I'll be trapped throwing up in my seat. I took a valium and it helped me relax. When we got to the DC airport we got a cab and went to the hotel. It was right beside a HUGE mall so we decided to go eat dinner there and do some shopping. They had a shuttle to the mall too, which was great because it was freezing and nasty out. I got a caesar salad and mushroom ravioli from Brio and it was GOOOOOD. We went shopping for a bit and then I started to feel rumbles in my belly. I thought it was just because I was digesting, it had been a long while since I'd eaten anything. Then all of a sudden it hit me and I needed a bathroom ASAP! That salad went straight through me, it didn't pass go and it didn't collect $200... it just wanted OUT! I have the digestive system of a 90 year old woman, I swear! So I was in there while Joanna (my co-worker and travel buddy) waited for me in the store we were in (Lord and Taylor, they have nice bathrooms). We went to another store and then it hit me again... I just felt awful! This time I took off to Bloomingdale's... ugh. I ended up asking Joanna if we could go back to the hotel and felt so bad to have to ask her to do that. The shuttle was only about a 5 minute wait. The hotel we were at had a little store, so I went there are got a bottle of Pepto and ate 2 pills every 30 mins for an hour and a half. It was just horrible! I was fine for the rest of the trip though. It was heavy food on an empty stomach plus the stress of travelling.
Class is almost over, so I better wrap this up. I'll be better about updating, I promise :)
So I fell off the healthy eating wagon. I don't really know what happened, but it did, and I'm over it and waiting until after the holidays. Too much good food around this time to be eating healthy! Haha. I started my Christmas baking the other day. I made chocolate chip cookies for Daniel and Oatmeal, orange and cranberry cookies for me! They are so yummy! Instead of using brown sugar, I used Splenda brown sugar, so that makes it a little better I guess. I have the best recipe for peppermint brownies I can't wait to make, plus of course, magic bars. I have to find my Nana's recipe for molasses sugar cookies too!
I'm sitting in microbiology class right now. I felt like I needed to come to the class because I did so bad on the last exam. How do you go from a 91% on the first test, 80% on the second to 69% on the third!? I miss the Canadian grading system too... in the US, a 90%+ is an A, 80%+ is a B, etc. It sucks!
This fall weather is freaking me out! We went from sunny and 72f yesterday, to 61f and rainy today and it's supposed to be 42f tomorrow... weird. It feels like spring today.
I went on my business trip to DC/Virginia since my last post. OMG, I hate flying, I used to be really good at it, but just hate it now. It was a direct flight there, so that was nice. I never eat anything the day I fly until I get to where I'm going... I'm always scared it's going to make me feel sick and I'll be trapped throwing up in my seat. I took a valium and it helped me relax. When we got to the DC airport we got a cab and went to the hotel. It was right beside a HUGE mall so we decided to go eat dinner there and do some shopping. They had a shuttle to the mall too, which was great because it was freezing and nasty out. I got a caesar salad and mushroom ravioli from Brio and it was GOOOOOD. We went shopping for a bit and then I started to feel rumbles in my belly. I thought it was just because I was digesting, it had been a long while since I'd eaten anything. Then all of a sudden it hit me and I needed a bathroom ASAP! That salad went straight through me, it didn't pass go and it didn't collect $200... it just wanted OUT! I have the digestive system of a 90 year old woman, I swear! So I was in there while Joanna (my co-worker and travel buddy) waited for me in the store we were in (Lord and Taylor, they have nice bathrooms). We went to another store and then it hit me again... I just felt awful! This time I took off to Bloomingdale's... ugh. I ended up asking Joanna if we could go back to the hotel and felt so bad to have to ask her to do that. The shuttle was only about a 5 minute wait. The hotel we were at had a little store, so I went there are got a bottle of Pepto and ate 2 pills every 30 mins for an hour and a half. It was just horrible! I was fine for the rest of the trip though. It was heavy food on an empty stomach plus the stress of travelling.
Class is almost over, so I better wrap this up. I'll be better about updating, I promise :)
Friday, October 14, 2011
I Hate Microbiology!
Ugh, I just got out of my microbiology practical exam and it was rough. I knew I wasn't going to do well, so it's not like it was a surprise or anything. I'm still on track with my diet. I think my body is in shock and stopped losing weight because I wasn't eating enough. That tends to happen and they say that all the time on the Biggest Loser if someone stops losing. I'm not going wild or anything, but just adding a few hundred calories more a day. Usually one more snack or something.
It was my and Daniel's anniversary on Wednesday and we went out for dinner to this amazing Indian restaurant. I've never had Indian food before and never tried curry, so I was a little worried I would hate it but I LOVED it!!! It was so good, I'm going to have to go there again for sure. Daniel even liked it, well, he liked what he got, he found out he hates curry. He said he, "Hates anything that has warm yogurt in it." Ok, whatever, more for me :) We don't really do presents, but Daniel got me a champagne glass set and a huge bottle of champagne for us to share. We killed the whole bottle... I love champagne :)
Yesterday I was supposed to go to work from 10-5, but I called off. They tried to get me to call someone to replace my shift, but then they saw anyone who was able to replace my shift was already working, so they just moaned and groaned and I put on my best fake sick voice. It was easy since I was still lying in bed half asleep. I had to study! I did study for this stupid exam, and I'll be happy if I can break 70% on it! Blah! I have an exam in the lecture class Wednesday and a Paper due Friday, which I haven't even started on. I think I'll be OK for it now though, studying for the lab practical made me understand more about what I have to write. I have to sit through lecture now and pretend to listen. I have my computer, so I'll probably just study for the exam. I have to work today 3-9, but I'm on the makeup side, so that should make it go faster. When I'm working skincare it goes so slowww... Then I'm off this weekend! I have a wedding to go to tomorrow. You know you're starting to get old when you are going to a wedding as a friend of the brides MOM! Hahahaha... it's a former co-worker from Dillard's. It should be fun, and fancy, I'm excited. I don't really have anything good to wear though. It's supposed to be really nice, 63 and mostly sunny. I'll probably dig out my old go to wedding dress that I wore to 2 weddings 3 years ago. I got my period this morning, so that sucks... I hope I don't have cramps tomorrow. They're so much better now because I'm back on the pill though.
I better get off to class.
It was my and Daniel's anniversary on Wednesday and we went out for dinner to this amazing Indian restaurant. I've never had Indian food before and never tried curry, so I was a little worried I would hate it but I LOVED it!!! It was so good, I'm going to have to go there again for sure. Daniel even liked it, well, he liked what he got, he found out he hates curry. He said he, "Hates anything that has warm yogurt in it." Ok, whatever, more for me :) We don't really do presents, but Daniel got me a champagne glass set and a huge bottle of champagne for us to share. We killed the whole bottle... I love champagne :)
Yesterday I was supposed to go to work from 10-5, but I called off. They tried to get me to call someone to replace my shift, but then they saw anyone who was able to replace my shift was already working, so they just moaned and groaned and I put on my best fake sick voice. It was easy since I was still lying in bed half asleep. I had to study! I did study for this stupid exam, and I'll be happy if I can break 70% on it! Blah! I have an exam in the lecture class Wednesday and a Paper due Friday, which I haven't even started on. I think I'll be OK for it now though, studying for the lab practical made me understand more about what I have to write. I have to sit through lecture now and pretend to listen. I have my computer, so I'll probably just study for the exam. I have to work today 3-9, but I'm on the makeup side, so that should make it go faster. When I'm working skincare it goes so slowww... Then I'm off this weekend! I have a wedding to go to tomorrow. You know you're starting to get old when you are going to a wedding as a friend of the brides MOM! Hahahaha... it's a former co-worker from Dillard's. It should be fun, and fancy, I'm excited. I don't really have anything good to wear though. It's supposed to be really nice, 63 and mostly sunny. I'll probably dig out my old go to wedding dress that I wore to 2 weddings 3 years ago. I got my period this morning, so that sucks... I hope I don't have cramps tomorrow. They're so much better now because I'm back on the pill though.
I better get off to class.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Slacker
Ugh, I just can't get in the mood to do any school work. I have lots of things due or exams to study for, but I just don't want to do it, and I'm not normally like this. It's probably because 2/3 of my classes don't interest me and the other class is all online, so it makes slacking off easy. I have an exam tomorrow, it's online and I can use any information I want, but I've only looked at 1/7 chapters :P I have 3 hours to look at them tomorrow, then I go to work, then I'm going to come home and take the exam. I have about 2.5 hours between my AM class and when I have to leave for work, but I don't want to rush through it. It'll be less stressful if I can take my time at night with it.
Work was good tonight. It was slow, so I didn't have to stay for my on call. I ate my dinner there, a healthy choice frozen meal and a banana with a bottle of water. I'm so used to eating a meal at work and then eating another dinner when I get home that it feels odd not to eat when I get home. I told myself that I wouldn't eat anything after dinner anymore, and I've been able to do that for the last week. I'll usually have some tea or lots of water, but that's it. It's almost easier not to eat than to eat something... I feel like if I eat something it's really not going to last me very long and I'll be hungry in an hour anyway, so why take in the calories. I'll feel bad about it anyway and night time is when I usually go crazy. I'll sit down with a sleeve of saltine crackers and vow to only eat a few. I'll look down 10 minutes later and only have 5 damn crackers left, so I finish off the sleeve. One of those sleeves of crackers is around 450 calories! That's more than I eat in a meal now! So if night time is when I screw up my day, I just won't eat then :)
I am going to a wedding on Saturday. I chose chicken for my meal, so hopefully it's not drenched in white sauce or butter or something. I'll make sure to eat all my meat, only half of my starch and all of my veggies... and only one glass of wine (even though they are having a wine tasting bar and 4 different types of champagne... *drool*). It's going to be really fancy! Plus I get to see a few of the people I used to work with, and that's always fun. Poor Daniel, at least I have a friend who is bringing her boyfriend, so he'll have some male company.
Speaking of Daniel, ugh... what an ass. I was laying on the couch on my stomach playing on my phone and one of my cats jumped up and layed down on my back, and I was like, "awwww, is there a kitty on my back?" And Daniel says, "Well yeah, they so like to sleep on soft things." >:S I almost killed him. Oh well, it only makes me want to look better than him that much more.
I'm freaking out right now because something in the office smells like burning plastic. We have a zillion computers in here, so it's probably just them, but it freaks me out! Last time I smelled something like that a lid from my plastic ziplock container had fallen down in the dishwasher and was melting to the heat source. Smoke was pouring out of the thing. I don't see any smoke and the cats are acting normal, so it's probably nothing, but now I have to go to bed worried I'll be woken up by the damn smoke alarm... ugh. I have class in the morning too, anatomy lab with my horrible lab partners. This is the last time in a month I actually have to work with them though. Next Tues is fall break so no class, the next week is a review week, so they won't show up and the week after that is an exam, so it'll be a while, woo hoo!
Work was good tonight. It was slow, so I didn't have to stay for my on call. I ate my dinner there, a healthy choice frozen meal and a banana with a bottle of water. I'm so used to eating a meal at work and then eating another dinner when I get home that it feels odd not to eat when I get home. I told myself that I wouldn't eat anything after dinner anymore, and I've been able to do that for the last week. I'll usually have some tea or lots of water, but that's it. It's almost easier not to eat than to eat something... I feel like if I eat something it's really not going to last me very long and I'll be hungry in an hour anyway, so why take in the calories. I'll feel bad about it anyway and night time is when I usually go crazy. I'll sit down with a sleeve of saltine crackers and vow to only eat a few. I'll look down 10 minutes later and only have 5 damn crackers left, so I finish off the sleeve. One of those sleeves of crackers is around 450 calories! That's more than I eat in a meal now! So if night time is when I screw up my day, I just won't eat then :)
I am going to a wedding on Saturday. I chose chicken for my meal, so hopefully it's not drenched in white sauce or butter or something. I'll make sure to eat all my meat, only half of my starch and all of my veggies... and only one glass of wine (even though they are having a wine tasting bar and 4 different types of champagne... *drool*). It's going to be really fancy! Plus I get to see a few of the people I used to work with, and that's always fun. Poor Daniel, at least I have a friend who is bringing her boyfriend, so he'll have some male company.
Speaking of Daniel, ugh... what an ass. I was laying on the couch on my stomach playing on my phone and one of my cats jumped up and layed down on my back, and I was like, "awwww, is there a kitty on my back?" And Daniel says, "Well yeah, they so like to sleep on soft things." >:S I almost killed him. Oh well, it only makes me want to look better than him that much more.
I'm freaking out right now because something in the office smells like burning plastic. We have a zillion computers in here, so it's probably just them, but it freaks me out! Last time I smelled something like that a lid from my plastic ziplock container had fallen down in the dishwasher and was melting to the heat source. Smoke was pouring out of the thing. I don't see any smoke and the cats are acting normal, so it's probably nothing, but now I have to go to bed worried I'll be woken up by the damn smoke alarm... ugh. I have class in the morning too, anatomy lab with my horrible lab partners. This is the last time in a month I actually have to work with them though. Next Tues is fall break so no class, the next week is a review week, so they won't show up and the week after that is an exam, so it'll be a while, woo hoo!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Thanksgiving #1
Happy Thanksgiving!!! I know I live in the US now, but who doesn't love an excuse to eat another turkey dinner, haha. Well, we didn't do the whole thing, just a baked turkey loin. OMG, I made the best sweet potatoes EVER! I baked one for about 2 hours, took the skin off and mushed it in a bowl with about a tablespoon of honey, a tablespoon of vanilla extract, a few tablespoons of Splenda brown sugar and a handful of walnuts... mmm... so tasty! So I had that and a serving of turkey. We were going to have corn, but we forgot to buy it at the store. We went out for breakfast like we tend to do on Sundays, I wanted to make sure it was somewhere that had healthy stuff, but Daniel wanted to go to the new Big Boy that opened by school (NKU). They have a breakfast bar, and a salad/soup bar so I said sure. There had to be something healthy there. It was packed of course because we were there at noon, on a Sunday, at a new restaurant, in Kentucky... so of course it was packed. The wait was quick though. We got sat and pretty much were forgotten about, haha. I guess they are still trying to work out the kinks in the place. The breakfast bar didn't have the lunch stuff out, so no soup/salad, just breakfast stuff. I saw it had fruit and scrambled eggs, but it was $7.90. I was only going to eat one plate, so I didn't think it was worth it. I ordered oatmeal and an English muffin with jam, no butter. Daniel's food came out a bit later, delivered by someone who didn't take our order. He had gone through a whole biscuit and gravy and half his hashbrowns before my oatmeal showed up, without an English muffin. I flagged down our original server and said I was missing it, and she brought it to me. It was DRENCHED in butter!!! I think they had taken a whole ice scoop full of butter and thrown it in between the two pieces. I had checked before she left and said it was supposed to be dry, so she took it back and got me another one, slightly less toasted, but better. They had sugar free strawberry jam, woo hoo, so I had that. The oatmeal was horrible, I only at about half of it. I think it took so long because no one goes to Big Boy for oatmeal! They are the home of the Big Boy burger with tartar sauce. There was seriously nothing healthy on the menu. I almost ordered an omlette, but then thought that it might be poached in butter. Diners like to do that, throw a ladle of butter into the pan before cooking eggs.
We went grocery shopping after. I used to hate going on Sundays because it's so busy, but I think the new grocery store we go to isn't as bad as it was when it first opened... that or my anxiety medicine is working better for me and the crowds don't bother me like they used to, haha! We are spending a lot less at the grocery store now that we aren't buying the snacks and junk we used to! A week's worth of food used to cost between $140 and $180, now we only go a little over $100! We bough electronic Monopoly while we were there today because I wanted that game the other day and was shocked to see we didn't have it. The electronic banking is so nice!
I meant to do a bunch of studying this weekend, but oops, didn't do it. I'm a person who can't study over a long period of time, I usually wait until closer to the due date or test so it's fresh in my mind. I'm still waiting to hear from NKU about the nursing program. If I spent all this time on pre-req classes and don't get into that damn program I'm going to flip out. I'm so scared I won't get in. I should know by next week, and trust me, when I find out, everyone will know!
So I'm doing really well on the diet. It's been a week now and I don't see an end in sight. I'm not craving anything really, I just get really hungry at night. That's when I drink a lot of water or tea or something. I haven't been buying pop at the grocery store. I'm trying to stick to just water. I had a diet coke the other day and it tasted so sweet! The one think I haven't done yet is exercise. Ugh, I hate it. I think my former trainer and my gym made me hate going. I was pretty much suckered in to buying a trainer and signing a contract, and regretted it the moment I did it. Way too expensive and it didn't work. My trainer was great, but he pushed me waaaaay too hard. So now I don't even want to go. I'm hoping that just by cutting back my calories and eating better food I'll be able to lose some weight and when I get down maybe 20 or so pounds it'll be easier for me to go exercise. My gym is nice, it has a women's only area which I love to use and TV's on every piece of equipment. There's also a movie room with a huge screen in a dark room that plays new to DVD movies. I don't know why I don't go, it's not like it's even far away!
I guess I should stop here. There are always things that happen to me and I think, Oh, I need to remember to mention this in the blog, but I always forget by the time I get here. Off to make some tea :)
We went grocery shopping after. I used to hate going on Sundays because it's so busy, but I think the new grocery store we go to isn't as bad as it was when it first opened... that or my anxiety medicine is working better for me and the crowds don't bother me like they used to, haha! We are spending a lot less at the grocery store now that we aren't buying the snacks and junk we used to! A week's worth of food used to cost between $140 and $180, now we only go a little over $100! We bough electronic Monopoly while we were there today because I wanted that game the other day and was shocked to see we didn't have it. The electronic banking is so nice!
I meant to do a bunch of studying this weekend, but oops, didn't do it. I'm a person who can't study over a long period of time, I usually wait until closer to the due date or test so it's fresh in my mind. I'm still waiting to hear from NKU about the nursing program. If I spent all this time on pre-req classes and don't get into that damn program I'm going to flip out. I'm so scared I won't get in. I should know by next week, and trust me, when I find out, everyone will know!
So I'm doing really well on the diet. It's been a week now and I don't see an end in sight. I'm not craving anything really, I just get really hungry at night. That's when I drink a lot of water or tea or something. I haven't been buying pop at the grocery store. I'm trying to stick to just water. I had a diet coke the other day and it tasted so sweet! The one think I haven't done yet is exercise. Ugh, I hate it. I think my former trainer and my gym made me hate going. I was pretty much suckered in to buying a trainer and signing a contract, and regretted it the moment I did it. Way too expensive and it didn't work. My trainer was great, but he pushed me waaaaay too hard. So now I don't even want to go. I'm hoping that just by cutting back my calories and eating better food I'll be able to lose some weight and when I get down maybe 20 or so pounds it'll be easier for me to go exercise. My gym is nice, it has a women's only area which I love to use and TV's on every piece of equipment. There's also a movie room with a huge screen in a dark room that plays new to DVD movies. I don't know why I don't go, it's not like it's even far away!
I guess I should stop here. There are always things that happen to me and I think, Oh, I need to remember to mention this in the blog, but I always forget by the time I get here. Off to make some tea :)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Day off (work and school)
I was off all day today, I love days like those. I slept in... I woke up at 10:30am, fall back to sleep until 11:30 and then dozed off and on until 12:30, haha. I did some homework, caught up on some shows, ate leftover tortilla soup (yum), and then started on dinner. I made pork chops with brown rice and green beans. I attempted a gravy made with olive oil instead of butter and 1% milk, I liked it, but Daniel didn't. He was in a bad mood anyway. I don't even bother asking what's wrong any more because he will just go off on this rant about something for an hour and make himself even more mad. I just went in the office when dinner was over and started working on school stuff so he could watch his shows about trucks and engines. I bet he'll go to bed soon... he usually heads in at around 8:30pm to listen to podcasts and play on his phone until he gets tired. That's usually because I hog the TV and force him to watch shows he doesn't like :P I'm bummed! The one new show I got him to watch with me and he actually liked just got cancelled... The Playboy Club :( It was the worst time to end that damn show too, because the main character just got into a car with a mob guy. I guess we'll never know what happened to Maureen.
I have to do a presentation for my online class on a paper I am writing about Medicaid and I've decided to do a skit with my cats. I have a Mac computer (RIP Steve Jobs), and it has a program I haven't used before called iMovie that seems pretty easy to use. I'm going to have a cat fight another cat and one gets "hurt" so it goes to a friend for help because he doesn't have medical insurance so the other cat tells him/her all about the Medicaid program. It should be interesting. I have 2 months to get enough funny footage to make a skit. I think it'll be funny... but I am a crazy cat lady! LOL! I was just working on the paper actually and got side tracked. I think I'll go make some chi tea and get back to it. I work on it a little bit at a time and it's going well so far. I just hope that my instructor likes it. It's not really about informatics, but it is about the medical field. Hmm... we'll see!
I have to do a presentation for my online class on a paper I am writing about Medicaid and I've decided to do a skit with my cats. I have a Mac computer (RIP Steve Jobs), and it has a program I haven't used before called iMovie that seems pretty easy to use. I'm going to have a cat fight another cat and one gets "hurt" so it goes to a friend for help because he doesn't have medical insurance so the other cat tells him/her all about the Medicaid program. It should be interesting. I have 2 months to get enough funny footage to make a skit. I think it'll be funny... but I am a crazy cat lady! LOL! I was just working on the paper actually and got side tracked. I think I'll go make some chi tea and get back to it. I work on it a little bit at a time and it's going well so far. I just hope that my instructor likes it. It's not really about informatics, but it is about the medical field. Hmm... we'll see!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Getting Over The Hump
I'm sitting here, drinking my chi tea, catching up on Revenge (my sister forced me to start watching it), and I'm not hungry for a change. It's probably because I made a very yummy, and healthy, chicken tortilla soup for dinner and had 2 huge bowls! I calculated that each bowl was only slightly over 200 calories each, and since I'd only eaten about 600 calories that day, I could have two and skip the midnight hunger pains. Tea with Splenda helps too. My sister Brooke came over for dinner and after was rummaging through our pantry and freezing asking if we had any ice cream or chocolate... nope. Well, Daniel had some cookies he packs for lunch that he gave her. Better to get them out of the house. But those aren't my weaknesses, it's carbs, fat and cheese. My favorite midnight snack is 16 saltine crackers with about a cup of melted shredded cheddar cheese on top with garlic powder, more salt and Italian spice... Mmmm... tastes like garlic bread! Here is an example of an average day of what I eat when not watching my calories: Breakfast- a bagel with butter, or 5 mini donuts with an iced coffee from Starbucks (with sugar and cream of course), lunch would probably be a box of Kraft dinner or a box of Pasta Roni and some kind of sweet, like chocolate or ice cream. Popcorn for a snack, but not the light kind, the movie theatre butter one. If no one is around, I will usually rip open the bag and lick the yummy butter off the bag (gross, right). For dinner it's usually a piece of meat, with mashed potatoes or some other starch taking up half my plate, and the vegetable is usually corn, but sometimes broccoli. For a night snack, it's usually chips, or toast and butter or my saltine concoction.
Today I did much better than that. I had 2 packs of cream of wheat for breakfast (it's my favorite thing ever!) with Splenda brown sugar. Lunch was a big salad with a whole tomato, some onion and about 1/4 cup of low fat Italian cheese blend. The dressing I sort of made up. I took 2 tbsp of Kraft's Light caesar dressing, cut it with the same amount of 1% milk, added about 1 tbsp of balsamic vinegar and shook it up in a jar... the milk makes the dressing thinner so it coats the lettuce better and the vinegar adds a little pep and sort of masks the light taste of the dressing.
I haven't decided how often I should weigh myself. Some people say not to do it every day because your weight can fluctuate by a few pounds based on your hormones and cycle and other factors. Waiting and doing it once a week sucks though! I want to see progress to keep me going... but if that progress doesn't happen fast, looking every day may cause me to slip up. Maybe twice a week?
My microbiology professor moved our exam! It was supposed to be next Wed, but because we are a chapter behind and he couldn't push it back just one class (to Friday) because we have our lab exam that day, it goes back a whole week! It's great because now instead of 3 exams next week, I only have 2 *phew*! I'm off work and school tomorrow, woo hoo! The house is clean, so I don't have to do any of that, but I have LOTS of school work to catch up on. I've been slacking and need to catch up in a major way. Well, I'm going to make another cup of tea, finish this episode of Revenge and then watch the Wed night line-up (Suburgatory, Modern Family and Happy Endings), woo hoo! Night :)
Today I did much better than that. I had 2 packs of cream of wheat for breakfast (it's my favorite thing ever!) with Splenda brown sugar. Lunch was a big salad with a whole tomato, some onion and about 1/4 cup of low fat Italian cheese blend. The dressing I sort of made up. I took 2 tbsp of Kraft's Light caesar dressing, cut it with the same amount of 1% milk, added about 1 tbsp of balsamic vinegar and shook it up in a jar... the milk makes the dressing thinner so it coats the lettuce better and the vinegar adds a little pep and sort of masks the light taste of the dressing.
I haven't decided how often I should weigh myself. Some people say not to do it every day because your weight can fluctuate by a few pounds based on your hormones and cycle and other factors. Waiting and doing it once a week sucks though! I want to see progress to keep me going... but if that progress doesn't happen fast, looking every day may cause me to slip up. Maybe twice a week?
My microbiology professor moved our exam! It was supposed to be next Wed, but because we are a chapter behind and he couldn't push it back just one class (to Friday) because we have our lab exam that day, it goes back a whole week! It's great because now instead of 3 exams next week, I only have 2 *phew*! I'm off work and school tomorrow, woo hoo! The house is clean, so I don't have to do any of that, but I have LOTS of school work to catch up on. I've been slacking and need to catch up in a major way. Well, I'm going to make another cup of tea, finish this episode of Revenge and then watch the Wed night line-up (Suburgatory, Modern Family and Happy Endings), woo hoo! Night :)
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Day 2
You never really notice how often food comes into your life until you are trying to ignore it. It's everywhere, especially places you don't think it should be, like at work. Someone brought in donuts tonight... they were maple glaze donuts, and if that wasn't bad enough, THEY HAD BACON ON THEM! WTF... thank god for the bacon, or I would have wanted one... maple glaze is my favorite. Who thought up that brilliant idea? Hmmm, I'm going to combine flour, sugar and butter into a delicious treat, but it doesn't seem unhealthy enough, sooooo, I think I'll add some bacon. I love bacon and donuts, but not together.
I've done good today, cream of wheat for breakfast again, then tuna salad on lettuce for lunch, 2 cups of coffee with coffee mate creamer (peppermint mocha, my fav), a banana for a snack and I have some whole grain pasta and veggie soup waiting for me in the microwave right now. I'm going to have to add some saltine crackers to it, I just have to with soup. The whole can only has 180 calories though, so I can afford some crackers. People say cut white things out of your diet, but I LOVE carbs! I'll have to do that slowly or my body may freak out. I am down 2 pounds since yesterday... the first 10 are always easy, it's after that when it gets hard. Daniel said he was going to eat healthy with me, but when I got home from work 20 mins ago, I looked to see if there was dinner, and it appears as though he made a whole box of Velveeta mac and cheese and ate the whole thing, because there are no leftovers in the fridge. At least he had a salad for lunch today... but it was probably drenched in ranch dressing :P
Work was good. There was a point in my night when I was so hungry I started to feel nauseated, lol. Oops! I was scheduled 2-7pm and was on-call until 9pm, but they let me leave at 7pm because we were dead. You get scheduled a shift and maybe have an hour or two at the end of your shift that they may keep you for if the store is busy (an on-call shift). Lately they've been keeping on-call's because we have been slammed, but this week is killing us!
I had anatomy lab this morning... I have celebrities in my class! There is a GIRL who looks like sheriff Bellefleur from TrueBlood in my class, and right beside her is a girl who looks like Vienna from The Bachelor/Bachelor Pad, lol. They both look like idiots. I have microbiology lab and lecture tomorrow, and I'm off work for the next two days, yay! I should probably study something tomorrow afternoon too, or work on my paper. I'm going to eat my dinner now and watch some TV. Night :)
I've done good today, cream of wheat for breakfast again, then tuna salad on lettuce for lunch, 2 cups of coffee with coffee mate creamer (peppermint mocha, my fav), a banana for a snack and I have some whole grain pasta and veggie soup waiting for me in the microwave right now. I'm going to have to add some saltine crackers to it, I just have to with soup. The whole can only has 180 calories though, so I can afford some crackers. People say cut white things out of your diet, but I LOVE carbs! I'll have to do that slowly or my body may freak out. I am down 2 pounds since yesterday... the first 10 are always easy, it's after that when it gets hard. Daniel said he was going to eat healthy with me, but when I got home from work 20 mins ago, I looked to see if there was dinner, and it appears as though he made a whole box of Velveeta mac and cheese and ate the whole thing, because there are no leftovers in the fridge. At least he had a salad for lunch today... but it was probably drenched in ranch dressing :P
Work was good. There was a point in my night when I was so hungry I started to feel nauseated, lol. Oops! I was scheduled 2-7pm and was on-call until 9pm, but they let me leave at 7pm because we were dead. You get scheduled a shift and maybe have an hour or two at the end of your shift that they may keep you for if the store is busy (an on-call shift). Lately they've been keeping on-call's because we have been slammed, but this week is killing us!
I had anatomy lab this morning... I have celebrities in my class! There is a GIRL who looks like sheriff Bellefleur from TrueBlood in my class, and right beside her is a girl who looks like Vienna from The Bachelor/Bachelor Pad, lol. They both look like idiots. I have microbiology lab and lecture tomorrow, and I'm off work for the next two days, yay! I should probably study something tomorrow afternoon too, or work on my paper. I'm going to eat my dinner now and watch some TV. Night :)
Welcome!
Well, here I am again, starting another diet. Hopefully this one will end better though, because I'm hoping this isn't a diet, but a new way of life. Here's what's been going on. 3 years ago I got married, and instead of looking my best on my wedding day, I actually weighed the most I ever had in my entire life. I am a stress eater, a nervous eater, a happy eater, a sad eater... see a trend? I LOVE to eat! Mostly bad food, but I don't hate healthy food. I wouldn't have a hard time eating nothing but healthy foods, but I know I would just eat too much of it. Anyways, I have always been an anxious person, and finally worked up the courage to talk to a doctor about it. I was prescribed an SSRI (antidepressant) for my anxiety and Valium for situational anxiety, plus I decided that since I'm back in school and have no plans on starting a family any time soon, I should get back on the birth control pill. In the 3 months since I've started these medications, I've gained 10 pounds! Side effects of all these medications can include weight gain, but I thought, hopefully, it wouldn't happen to me. Well, it did. I am hungry ALL THE TIME... it's unreal. I would eat HUGE amounts of food and be hungry an hour later, like, actually hungry... stomach growling and everything. It's so weird. I'm debating stopping the medication because of it, but worried about my anxiety coming back strong. I've made it through today with my stomach growling and churning, but have no idea if I could take it in the long run. Here's what I ate today:
Breakfast: 2 packs of cream of wheat, 2 cups of chi tea with 1% milk and Splenda
Lunch: Tomato soup
Dinner: Chicken stirfry
Snacks: Banana, 4 pickles, Venti coffee with non-fat milk and Splenda
MY STOMACH IS GROWLING!!! Ugh, I'm so hungry. I'm 251 pounds now... blech! According to everything I've read online and BMI standards, for my height I should weight between 108 and 145 pounds... OMG!!! I have to lose over 100lbs in order to be considered a healthy weight, ugh... I can't believe I let it get that bad. 108lbs seems so tiny! I could never imagine myself that small. I don't think I was that small ever... well, maybe in middle school, hell, maybe elementary school! It just seems like an impossible goal. I remember when I was 165lbs when I met Daniel and thought I was huge, HA! I was only 20 pounds from a good weight. *sigh* Maybe I'll get there eventually. Anyway, this is my outlet, so keep reading if you're interested :)
Breakfast: 2 packs of cream of wheat, 2 cups of chi tea with 1% milk and Splenda
Lunch: Tomato soup
Dinner: Chicken stirfry
Snacks: Banana, 4 pickles, Venti coffee with non-fat milk and Splenda
MY STOMACH IS GROWLING!!! Ugh, I'm so hungry. I'm 251 pounds now... blech! According to everything I've read online and BMI standards, for my height I should weight between 108 and 145 pounds... OMG!!! I have to lose over 100lbs in order to be considered a healthy weight, ugh... I can't believe I let it get that bad. 108lbs seems so tiny! I could never imagine myself that small. I don't think I was that small ever... well, maybe in middle school, hell, maybe elementary school! It just seems like an impossible goal. I remember when I was 165lbs when I met Daniel and thought I was huge, HA! I was only 20 pounds from a good weight. *sigh* Maybe I'll get there eventually. Anyway, this is my outlet, so keep reading if you're interested :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)