It's better

So things are much better. I'm so dramatic about things! Daniel and I had a talk about things over Chipotle the other day, and he wasn't even aware I was mad about anything! LOL! Men don't really know much about women, do they? He's just frustrated with work... he told me that. He doesn't like the new account he's on, it's too easy. All he says he does all day is re-set people's passwords and customers are dumb about it. I can relate to that! People are pretty rude these days.

It's going to be a good week though, he gets a 4 day weekend for Thanksgiving, which is on Thursday. We are going to his sister's new place for dinner. We aren't going to my parent's house at all, and I'm ok with it. We were going to try to, but it's just so much driving and planning and stress. Because of that, though, we get to spend more time with my family for Christmas :) I'd rather than anyway. I always hate running around to the 3 different families (his parents are divorced, so we can't ever just have everyone over somewhere). They also live far apart, so that sucks.

I've been baking so much! I made white chocolate cookies and cream fudge and mudpies tonight. Tomorrow I'm making peanut butter brownies and oatmeal raising cookies. It's not all for myself, it's for work and Thanksgiving. Work is doing a black Friday meal thing where we all bring sides and the managers bring main dishes. Amy loves my baking so she asked if I could bring desserts. Of course I'm going overboard, haha.

I watched a documentary on juice fasts the other day on Netflix. Right afterwards I send my Mom a text asking for a juicer for Christmas, haha. This guy drank nothing but juice for 60 days and lost like 90lbs! It's supposed to be super healthy for you with all sorts of micronutrients in each drink and if you add kale, you can get quite a bit of protein! Maybe I can get Daniel to do it with me for a week or two, but I bet he won't make it, hahaha!

I had a dream when I was napping today that I had a little baby. I think it was a girl. Everyone on Daniel's side of the family wants me to have a girl because there are no girls on that side. His Mom even told me the last time she saw me that she had a dream I had a baby girl and she was so pretty with green eyes like me. Lots of people I know are having babies or are pregnant right now, so it's not an unusual dream. My news feed on Facebook is littered with baby pictures, lol. My cousin just had a baby 3 days ago, her 3rd boy. All her kids and her sisters kids names end with an "N" which makes it confusing! lol. There's Jackson, Owen, Rayden, Ethan and Ronin. My Mom said never to do that, so I told Daniel we can't have similar names for our kids. We already have a girl name picked out, which is weird because we both really like it and if no one takes it before we have a girl, we will probably use it. All my names are starting to be taken! We would name her Heidi... I don't think you could get more German than Heidi Hoffman, lol.

Back to watching Chelsea Lately! Nite :)

Marriage...

I see people post things on Facebook like, "My husband is so sweet, he..." or "I have the best husband in the world..." or "I love you babe, he..." But rarely do I ever think that. I makes me feel like I am missing out on a lot, that or people out there are faking it. Who knows, but what I do know is lately I'm more pissed or angry or frustrated with my husband than I am happy with him. All he does is bitch and whine and complain anymore, I'm so fucking sick of it!!! It has been like this ever since he graduated. He was happy and fun and I loved being around him back when he was in school, but ever since he's had to become a grown up and work full time he's a fucking grumpy old man!!! The first job he had he hated. We bought our house and were renovating it while living at my parents when he just up and quit. WHO DOES THAT?!?! I'm still so mad at him for doing that. Then, he was at Dillard's working with me for almost a year and then was fired... he says for nothing, but I have my doubts. Now, this job he's at, he liked it up until they moved him to a different account. On his old account he loved it because he would take about 10 calls a day and surf the internet or watch movies while he wasn't on a call. Now he's taking help desk calls all day and doesn't have any free time... basically he actually has to WORK now and all he does it complain about it! Awww, poor guy, you have to actually work... SUCK IT UP!!! And because of this, when he complains all it does is make me paranoid that he's just going to up and quit again... I wouldn't stand for that. I know he's 100% jealous that I get to work part time and that I'm going back to school. He says how he can't wait to go back and get his MBA, but he doesn't realize that it's going to be hard for him to get in. He thinks he's so smart, but his GPA sucked when he graduated! It was decent for a normal person, but for someone who wants a graduate degree, I'm pretty sure you need more than a 2.5. I had a 3.2 when I graduated and was paranoid I wouldn't get into my program. He can't stand me being in school.

He was never a touchy feely guy in public, but we used to have sex all the time and cuddle and be sexy... now, we have sex usually once a month. I used to try to seduce him all the time after the sex fizzled out, try to get him to do it most nights, but he never wanted to. Now that I'm on Zoloft, thank god it has killed my sex drive, because I don't care anymore. Maybe he should take some of my medication. He needs it, he was diagnosed bipolar when he was a kid... he needs to fucking lighten up!

I get excited thinking about starting a family, but in my opinion, once there are kids in this family, I'm invested for life. Once there is a kid, I'm stuck to him forever. I want to wait to see how our life progresses together, but I don't want to wait too long, I'm getting old fast. I think about a baby and how great it would be, and then he does something to piss me off and I think, ugh, do I want to bring a kid into this world around that?! With him?!

So let's sum this up, he resents me for going back to school, that my parents buy us lots of things and are giving us money each month and that I actually like my part-time job. I resent him because he has $30,000 in student loans (even though his Dad paid his tuition), that he guilted me into buying his mom's house so it wouldn't be foreclosed on, that he quit his job and we ran up MY credit card because of it, that he doesn't want to have sex, that he leased a brand new car we never should have leased, his temper, his attitude... etc.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I have never left UWaterloo... if I had picked another college, if I chose a different sorority (I never would have met him if I had picked my second choice). Weird to think I had talked to different girls from the other sororities I might have liked them better and never would have met Daniel at the mixer. We used to be the perfect couple... we NEVER fought when we were dating. We never even had disagreements really. After fights and before we make up... well, we never really make up, we just move on. Actually, we never really discuss what has happened and no one ever says they're sorry. I know I don't want to talk to him about it because I don't want to say something that I can't ever take back, because when I'm mad, I'll do that. Well, after a big fight, and this is horrible to say, I picture what I would have to do if I were to leave him. What I would pack up, what I would leave, I'd probably leave lots of stuff and just pack up my car... I don't have much anyway. Then things will get really really good with us and we'll have a great few weeks. Wow, that was a rant. I wish we could say how we really feel on Facebook in our status bar, mine would say:

Why ruin a good relationship with marriage?

I'd like to warn all my engaged friends online, but they won't listen to me... they never do when they're in "love." Or they think that they're relationship will be different. Am I crazy, do other people ever feel like this? Because they sure keep it quiet if they do.

Wow, that was a rant!

Finally, I can breathe!

OMG, it's been a while since I posted, sorry... I got called out, haha. I had so much school work it was insane! If I wasn't studying I was either sleeping or cleaning. I have a mini break until finals now, but the Mid-terms almost killed me.

So I fell off the healthy eating wagon. I don't really know what happened, but it did, and I'm over it and waiting until after the holidays. Too much good food around this time to be eating healthy! Haha. I started my Christmas baking the other day. I made chocolate chip cookies for Daniel and Oatmeal, orange and cranberry cookies for me! They are so yummy! Instead of using brown sugar, I used Splenda brown sugar, so that makes it a little better I guess. I have the best recipe for peppermint brownies I can't wait to make, plus of course, magic bars. I have to find my Nana's recipe for molasses sugar cookies too!

I'm sitting in microbiology class right now. I felt like I needed to come to the class because I did so bad on the last exam. How do you go from a 91% on the first test, 80% on the second to 69% on the third!? I miss the Canadian grading system too... in the US, a 90%+ is an A, 80%+ is a B, etc. It sucks!

This fall weather is freaking me out! We went from sunny and 72f yesterday, to 61f and rainy today and it's supposed to be 42f tomorrow... weird. It feels like spring today.

I went on my business trip to DC/Virginia since my last post. OMG, I hate flying, I used to be really good at it, but just hate it now. It was a direct flight there, so that was nice. I never eat anything the day I fly until I get to where I'm going... I'm always scared it's going to make me feel sick and I'll be trapped throwing up in my seat. I took a valium and it helped me relax. When we got to the DC airport we got a cab and went to the hotel. It was right beside a HUGE mall so we decided to go eat dinner there and do some shopping. They had a shuttle to the mall too, which was great because it was freezing and nasty out. I got a caesar salad and mushroom ravioli from Brio and it was GOOOOOD. We went shopping for a bit and then I started to feel rumbles in my belly. I thought it was just because I was digesting, it had been a long while since I'd eaten anything. Then all of a sudden it hit me and I needed a bathroom ASAP! That salad went straight through me, it didn't pass go and it didn't collect $200... it just wanted OUT! I have the digestive system of a 90 year old woman, I swear! So I was in there while Joanna (my co-worker and travel buddy) waited for me in the store we were in (Lord and Taylor, they have nice bathrooms). We went to another store and then it hit me again... I just felt awful! This time I took off to Bloomingdale's... ugh. I ended up asking Joanna if we could go back to the hotel and felt so bad to have to ask her to do that. The shuttle was only about a 5 minute wait. The hotel we were at had a little store, so I went there are got a bottle of Pepto and ate 2 pills every 30 mins for an hour and a half. It was just horrible! I was fine for the rest of the trip though. It was heavy food on an empty stomach plus the stress of travelling.

Class is almost over, so I better wrap this up. I'll be better about updating, I promise :)